Just another ramble

I'm bored. Again. I was able to amuse myself yesterday by going to Homestarrunner.com for an hour or so...but really...without books, I'm super bored. And the books online are mostly rubbish and I'm sick of sifting through those and trying to find something halfway deacent. And no offense to the classics which are also available, but....sometimes...well....they are boring. They are great stories and all.....but...they way a lot of them are written, this reader can't feel the emotion.
Earlier today I was thinking about what I did before I came here...what did I do when I was bored? What did I do in my free time when I wasn't bored? I don't know. But I can't wait to leave here. Not that I haven't had good times and all, but I'm really starting to chafe and I just can't stand being so bored all the time and waiting around to start work. Its terrible! I feel like I could be so much more productive if I wasn't constantly worrying about when Fabio wakes up. I know I have from about 9:30 to 3:30, but its sort of split up into sections. Because by the time the kids are off to school and the house is swiffered, and I've said my prayers and/or gone running...or whatever I would do in the morning, it was already around 12:00 or 12:30, so I would just wait around for lunch because we always eat lunch together and if I want to go out and will be late for lunch...its...I just got into the habit of it. And here it is, lunch is ready.
And now lunch is over, Fabio is still sleeping and Luca is taking a nap today too. (To my secret relief)
I don't know if they suspect that I really just cannot stand that child. I mean, as far as children go, he isn't a bad one, but he just....isn't like most children I've come into contact with, and having practically no control over him even when it concerns me, is very very difficult. I think most of the fault is mine. I know there are things I could have done to make us like eachother better, and I'm sure that if I talked to Fabiana and asked her (again) about the discipline and perhaps talked to her about some of the stuff that they let him get away with, things might have been different. But I was too chicken to do it and I felt like it wasn't my place. I felt like since I'm not a parent, and I'm younger, she would take it as criticizm from an inexperienced source and think that I was just biased against her children. But the thing is, (and this is a fault of mine too) that I really don't think (and never did think) that she is like that. But I never gave her the benefit of the doubt, and I stayed chicken these whole 6 months. Really, how pathetic am I? I know this one fault of mine and I really need to overcome it: I HAVE to stop caring so much about what other people think!! I mean even people I don't really know, or don't really care to know, I don't want them to think badly of me!! I can't be liked by everybody, I know, but it still doesn't stop me from trying!! I really have to start being myself. ALL THE TIME!