Well, I have one week to go. A week from today I will be on a plane back home. I can't beleive that it is here already. I mean, it has been a long time, and it feels like its been a long time, but it also feels like just yesterday I was getting on a plane to go to Italy. Oh...that day was terrible. I have never felt so terrible in my entire life. I was panicky, scared out of my mind, homesick, and very young. I know I'm only 7 months older, but I feel as if I've aged alot. I think living away from home and becoming independent makes you grow up fast. I have no fear of traveling or going places alone anymore. And I don't need or want anyone to hold my hand when I do new things. I used to be really dependent on people doing things for me, but I feel like now I finally can do things for myself. I've been away from home so long, I don't know how it will be going back home and living with my parents. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I mean, I love home, and I love that house. I have loved living there...but...I kind of feel like I'm going to chafe when I go back. That I might need to live away from home from now on. I want to live in Oklahoma, just perhaps not with my parents. But, I don't know how it will be, so I'll wait until I go home to see how it is. Maybe I'll end up finishing college in DC with Carrie. That would be really great. But, I would need a gynormous amount of scholarship/grant/anyother free kind of money that I could possibly get. If Got wants me to go there, He will get it for me.
Anyway, Scotland has been good. I wish that I'd had a friend, but at least I don't feel isolated here like I did in Italy. Language is so important, and I fully realize that now. I'm glad that I can at least speak the same language as everybody else. I really cannot wait to go home though. Its just nice to be with people that you know. I'm tired of just being with people that I've met. Although I do feel like I acutally know Jim and Betty. At first it was all politness and good manners, but now I feel like I'm being more myself, more of a human being instead of just a polite girl robot or something. Anyway...I'm gonna go.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
In Scotland
Well I've been in Scotland for two weeks now.....feels like forever. Not because its been boring, not at all, but I've seen so many things and been to so many places that I feel like it can't possibly have only been two weeks since I was in Italy!
I miss Fabio and Ambra and Fabiana alot! I miss those little kids cute little smiles and little tantrums. Sigh....not that I want to go back. Not really. But I want to see them again, thats for sure.
Anyway, Scotland has been great! I've been to four castles and climbed Arthurs seat (no one knows why its called that) and went to Glasgow and Troone this weekend. Now all I need to do is go to Loch Lomond, and Loch Ness and my sightseeing wished of Scotland will have been fulfilled. Except that I really wanted to go to Orkney, but they said that people have to have a week or two flexibility because the ferrys aren't always running and everything depends on the weather. So you could end up stuck on the island for a weeks or so! Plus its expensive...so...not doing that. Buuuuutttt....I do want to go to Ireland REALLY badly, so I might try to do that. Becasue you can take a ferry over from troone....so...have to check that out.
Anyway, got things to do...not really, but I'm bored with this now and no one is actually going to read it anyway. So...cheerio!
I miss Fabio and Ambra and Fabiana alot! I miss those little kids cute little smiles and little tantrums. Sigh....not that I want to go back. Not really. But I want to see them again, thats for sure.
Anyway, Scotland has been great! I've been to four castles and climbed Arthurs seat (no one knows why its called that) and went to Glasgow and Troone this weekend. Now all I need to do is go to Loch Lomond, and Loch Ness and my sightseeing wished of Scotland will have been fulfilled. Except that I really wanted to go to Orkney, but they said that people have to have a week or two flexibility because the ferrys aren't always running and everything depends on the weather. So you could end up stuck on the island for a weeks or so! Plus its expensive...so...not doing that. Buuuuutttt....I do want to go to Ireland REALLY badly, so I might try to do that. Becasue you can take a ferry over from troone....so...have to check that out.
Anyway, got things to do...not really, but I'm bored with this now and no one is actually going to read it anyway. So...cheerio!
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Just another ramble
I'm bored. Again. I was able to amuse myself yesterday by going to Homestarrunner.com for an hour or so...but really...without books, I'm super bored. And the books online are mostly rubbish and I'm sick of sifting through those and trying to find something halfway deacent. And no offense to the classics which are also available, but....sometimes...well....they are boring. They are great stories and all.....but...they way a lot of them are written, this reader can't feel the emotion.
Earlier today I was thinking about what I did before I came here...what did I do when I was bored? What did I do in my free time when I wasn't bored? I don't know. But I can't wait to leave here. Not that I haven't had good times and all, but I'm really starting to chafe and I just can't stand being so bored all the time and waiting around to start work. Its terrible! I feel like I could be so much more productive if I wasn't constantly worrying about when Fabio wakes up. I know I have from about 9:30 to 3:30, but its sort of split up into sections. Because by the time the kids are off to school and the house is swiffered, and I've said my prayers and/or gone running...or whatever I would do in the morning, it was already around 12:00 or 12:30, so I would just wait around for lunch because we always eat lunch together and if I want to go out and will be late for lunch...its...I just got into the habit of it. And here it is, lunch is ready.
And now lunch is over, Fabio is still sleeping and Luca is taking a nap today too. (To my secret relief)
I don't know if they suspect that I really just cannot stand that child. I mean, as far as children go, he isn't a bad one, but he just....isn't like most children I've come into contact with, and having practically no control over him even when it concerns me, is very very difficult. I think most of the fault is mine. I know there are things I could have done to make us like eachother better, and I'm sure that if I talked to Fabiana and asked her (again) about the discipline and perhaps talked to her about some of the stuff that they let him get away with, things might have been different. But I was too chicken to do it and I felt like it wasn't my place. I felt like since I'm not a parent, and I'm younger, she would take it as criticizm from an inexperienced source and think that I was just biased against her children. But the thing is, (and this is a fault of mine too) that I really don't think (and never did think) that she is like that. But I never gave her the benefit of the doubt, and I stayed chicken these whole 6 months. Really, how pathetic am I? I know this one fault of mine and I really need to overcome it: I HAVE to stop caring so much about what other people think!! I mean even people I don't really know, or don't really care to know, I don't want them to think badly of me!! I can't be liked by everybody, I know, but it still doesn't stop me from trying!! I really have to start being myself. ALL THE TIME!
Earlier today I was thinking about what I did before I came here...what did I do when I was bored? What did I do in my free time when I wasn't bored? I don't know. But I can't wait to leave here. Not that I haven't had good times and all, but I'm really starting to chafe and I just can't stand being so bored all the time and waiting around to start work. Its terrible! I feel like I could be so much more productive if I wasn't constantly worrying about when Fabio wakes up. I know I have from about 9:30 to 3:30, but its sort of split up into sections. Because by the time the kids are off to school and the house is swiffered, and I've said my prayers and/or gone running...or whatever I would do in the morning, it was already around 12:00 or 12:30, so I would just wait around for lunch because we always eat lunch together and if I want to go out and will be late for lunch...its...I just got into the habit of it. And here it is, lunch is ready.
And now lunch is over, Fabio is still sleeping and Luca is taking a nap today too. (To my secret relief)
I don't know if they suspect that I really just cannot stand that child. I mean, as far as children go, he isn't a bad one, but he just....isn't like most children I've come into contact with, and having practically no control over him even when it concerns me, is very very difficult. I think most of the fault is mine. I know there are things I could have done to make us like eachother better, and I'm sure that if I talked to Fabiana and asked her (again) about the discipline and perhaps talked to her about some of the stuff that they let him get away with, things might have been different. But I was too chicken to do it and I felt like it wasn't my place. I felt like since I'm not a parent, and I'm younger, she would take it as criticizm from an inexperienced source and think that I was just biased against her children. But the thing is, (and this is a fault of mine too) that I really don't think (and never did think) that she is like that. But I never gave her the benefit of the doubt, and I stayed chicken these whole 6 months. Really, how pathetic am I? I know this one fault of mine and I really need to overcome it: I HAVE to stop caring so much about what other people think!! I mean even people I don't really know, or don't really care to know, I don't want them to think badly of me!! I can't be liked by everybody, I know, but it still doesn't stop me from trying!! I really have to start being myself. ALL THE TIME!
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Waiting....always when will Tuesday come?
Well, this coming Tuesday I will be headed for Scotland. It strange....the whole reason I came to Italy, was so that I could go to Scotland. Funny how your reason for doing something can sometimes get lost in the process of it all. Well, Italy has been fun, not always, but a lot of it. It has been boring a lot too. And I wish I could say I never wasted a moment of my time, but that would probably be the biggest lie of my life, so I won't say that.
But you know, its hard not to waste time when your by yourself day in and day out. If you have no one to talk to, no one to do something with, and nothing that you need to get done, what else do you have to do? It's hard. I guess I could have studied Italian alot, or picked up a new hobby, but by the time I realized that I was wasting all my time, it was really kind of too late. Not that it is ever too late to start doing something with yourself, but I'd gotten in such a habit, that, well, I didn't really know how to break it.
But I have started too, and I have better plans for Scotland. And none of them involve the computer, for which I am thankful. Thank goodness we won't have wireless internet. It is such a bad temptation and almost impossible to resist....for me anyway.
But today I delted all my stupid game apps that I had on Facebook. I knew that if I didn't delete them, I would continue to waste my time. And I am super glad I did. It feels like I've gotten rid of part of this big headache that I feel my life has been for the past....while.
Anyway, I think the next step will be....hm....perhaps taking up my drawing again, practicing voice, finding some really good books to read, and I mean good in that it has a moral value, not just exciting, and maybe if there is one, finding some sheet music and practicing the piano again. All these things I've really missed doing. I'm so sick of what I've let myself sink into. I know now that no matter what, I will never be like this again! Never!!!! So, that also means that if one day I ever do go to a country that doesn't speak English again, I know what I'm not going to do. But to be honest, I don't think I ever want to live anywhere else but the U.S.A.
But you know, its hard not to waste time when your by yourself day in and day out. If you have no one to talk to, no one to do something with, and nothing that you need to get done, what else do you have to do? It's hard. I guess I could have studied Italian alot, or picked up a new hobby, but by the time I realized that I was wasting all my time, it was really kind of too late. Not that it is ever too late to start doing something with yourself, but I'd gotten in such a habit, that, well, I didn't really know how to break it.
But I have started too, and I have better plans for Scotland. And none of them involve the computer, for which I am thankful. Thank goodness we won't have wireless internet. It is such a bad temptation and almost impossible to resist....for me anyway.
But today I delted all my stupid game apps that I had on Facebook. I knew that if I didn't delete them, I would continue to waste my time. And I am super glad I did. It feels like I've gotten rid of part of this big headache that I feel my life has been for the past....while.
Anyway, I think the next step will be....hm....perhaps taking up my drawing again, practicing voice, finding some really good books to read, and I mean good in that it has a moral value, not just exciting, and maybe if there is one, finding some sheet music and practicing the piano again. All these things I've really missed doing. I'm so sick of what I've let myself sink into. I know now that no matter what, I will never be like this again! Never!!!! So, that also means that if one day I ever do go to a country that doesn't speak English again, I know what I'm not going to do. But to be honest, I don't think I ever want to live anywhere else but the U.S.A.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SHELLEY!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOOOOO SHELLLLLLLLEEYYYYY HAPPY BIIIIIIIIRRRRRTTTTTHHHHHHDAAAAY TO SHEEEEELLLLLLEEEYYYYYYY!!!!! HAPPPPYYYYYY BIRTHDAAAAAAAYYYY TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHELL!! I HOPE WE GET TO TALK TODAY!!! LOVE YOU! Now I'm going to go abuse your blog!!!! Tee Hee!! And I made the text blue just for you!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHELL!! I HOPE WE GET TO TALK TODAY!!! LOVE YOU! Now I'm going to go abuse your blog!!!! Tee Hee!! And I made the text blue just for you!!
Friday, June 18, 2010
The loneliness of me
Soo....nobody except Shelley has even looked at this new blog....
Guess its going to be a lonely adventure then....like the last five months of my life. Adventures aren't really adventures if you by yourself. They aren't fun, they aren't interesting, and they don't leave you with a stupid grin on your face that adventures with your friends, or even people that annoy you (they could be the same though :P) do.
I've been living in Italy for five months. 2 and a half of those months were spent lonely and bored, friendless, and worried.
Then I made a couple friends. Things started getting better. I had somewhere to go. An outlet. People that were my own age. But even with the friendship, and even though it grew into good friendship, I still feel lonely, even if I'm with my friends. Loneliness doesn't mean your alone all the time. Its the being excluded from converstation, not being included in plan making, or descision making about where to go, what to do, what to eat, where to eat if your going out. Not having poeple care enough about you to help save you a lot of trouble or for them to inconvenience themselves so that you can feel safe or secure about making your bus, or train, or whatever your doing. Always being thought of last, or nearly last. Spending the afternoons with bratty children and having no refuge in the evening except for a plastic machine that evenually gives you a headache and hurts your eyes.
Being unable to communicate to anyone save for a few poeple. The people you interact with on a day to day basis speaking to you only when necessary. Going out by yourself or with a couple of friends and not being able to understand a word that is being said between them or by anyone else, and not having it explained to you later. Unsure that if you go out and want to buy something that you will be understood, unsure that if you get lost, you will be able to ask someone for directions.
Loneliness is something I've never really truly experienced....until now.
Guess its going to be a lonely adventure then....like the last five months of my life. Adventures aren't really adventures if you by yourself. They aren't fun, they aren't interesting, and they don't leave you with a stupid grin on your face that adventures with your friends, or even people that annoy you (they could be the same though :P) do.
I've been living in Italy for five months. 2 and a half of those months were spent lonely and bored, friendless, and worried.
Then I made a couple friends. Things started getting better. I had somewhere to go. An outlet. People that were my own age. But even with the friendship, and even though it grew into good friendship, I still feel lonely, even if I'm with my friends. Loneliness doesn't mean your alone all the time. Its the being excluded from converstation, not being included in plan making, or descision making about where to go, what to do, what to eat, where to eat if your going out. Not having poeple care enough about you to help save you a lot of trouble or for them to inconvenience themselves so that you can feel safe or secure about making your bus, or train, or whatever your doing. Always being thought of last, or nearly last. Spending the afternoons with bratty children and having no refuge in the evening except for a plastic machine that evenually gives you a headache and hurts your eyes.
Being unable to communicate to anyone save for a few poeple. The people you interact with on a day to day basis speaking to you only when necessary. Going out by yourself or with a couple of friends and not being able to understand a word that is being said between them or by anyone else, and not having it explained to you later. Unsure that if you go out and want to buy something that you will be understood, unsure that if you get lost, you will be able to ask someone for directions.
Loneliness is something I've never really truly experienced....until now.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Return of the Blogs!!
Helooooo followers of Irish Brats!!!
I think it is about time to start up the blogs again! However, its out with the old, in the with new right? So instead of posting on the old blog, let us now all post on this new blog. The old blog is a treasured antique, a beautiful memory, and must remain so, undisturbed. It will forever remain in our hearts and on the internet as a reminder and a place to go for nostalgia and laughs and tears.....and the fact that I can't access my old account has nothing whatsoever to do with this new blog.....*wink wink* ahem....ah....yes... and you will notice that I have even given up my old name in a show of solidarity with my old blog, and have branched out and created a new name and a new picture for myself? See? See? Look at it!! Look Look!!!
Ah yes, so anyway, let us begin our new adventures and see what madness will come upon us from this blog!!
Let it begin!
I think it is about time to start up the blogs again! However, its out with the old, in the with new right? So instead of posting on the old blog, let us now all post on this new blog. The old blog is a treasured antique, a beautiful memory, and must remain so, undisturbed. It will forever remain in our hearts and on the internet as a reminder and a place to go for nostalgia and laughs and tears.....and the fact that I can't access my old account has nothing whatsoever to do with this new blog.....*wink wink* ahem....ah....yes... and you will notice that I have even given up my old name in a show of solidarity with my old blog, and have branched out and created a new name and a new picture for myself? See? See? Look at it!! Look Look!!!
Ah yes, so anyway, let us begin our new adventures and see what madness will come upon us from this blog!!
Let it begin!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)